Yes I'm still here. ::strangle::

*Warning...this post is complainey. Just figured I'd let people know first in case they didn't want to read a lot of pregnant bitching this morning.*

The hugeness. The swelling. The heartburn. The return of first trimester nausea. All of these things are my life right now and all of them are horrible beyond words. The sight of my ankles is enough to make me cry. (Well really only my right ankle...my left doesn't really swell at all. Weird.)

But there is one thing that is worse.

I'm 6 days from my due date and I'm still working. I don't think I'm kind of superhero for doing so...plenty of women work right up until they go into labor and I always figured that I would be one of them. It's been especially miserable for the past week or two though as Baby B has dropped really low into my pelvis making it virtually impossible to even make a trip to the fax machine without practically peeing my pants. And I've found that the only thing more miserable than feeling like I can't walk or being exhausted or in pain is having these things pointed out to me by other people.

Oh the comments.

I think I'm tired now? Well I better sleep while I still can because my baby will keep me up at night. Thanks for the suggestion, Captain Obvious, but last I checked, I'm not some kind of crazy sleep camel that can store extra sleep in my hump (bump?) for later use. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I will actually get MORE sleep when my child is here considering that I currently get up to use the bathroom at least 7 times a night which works out to being up and about at least once an hour. At least when I'm on maternity leave, I can take a nap during the day. Comfortably. While able to lie on my stomach and not feel like my legs are being ripped out of their sockets wishbone style. (Make a wish!! I'd like to go into labor RIGHT. NOW. PLEASE.)

And of course my personal favorite that I have been hearing every day when I walk into the office from no less than 3 people..."You're still here?" Nope. You're not really seeing me right now. I'm just a huge, bloated figment of your imagination. Maybe you should stop smoking so much crack before you come to work.

I am to the point where I can not only not take pregnancy anymore, but I can't take other people anymore. In fact, I could probably tolerate the pregnancy part better if other people would shut the eff up. It also seems like the worst offenders are women that already have children and I'm thinking...shouldn't they know better? At this point I have a mental list a mile long of things that I am going to be absolutely sure to NEVER EVER EVER say to a pregnant woman again.

So yesterday I made the executive decision that this coming Friday is going to be my last day of work before I go on maternity leave. Yes, I was going to work until my water broke, but I'm to the point where I'm so uncomfortable and so anxious that being here is bad for my well being as well as the well being of anyone who gets within a 10 foot radius of me. I started to realize that if I don't give people an end date, they will continue to unthinkingly pile ridiculous projects on my desk that I will kill myself trying to get finished in a day because this baby could come any second.

But let's not kid ourselves. Because it's just my luck that she will go a week overdue at which point I'll have to be induced. Oh yeah...I also used to say that I was against being induced if I went over and would rather the baby come when she's ready, but that all flew out the window around week 36.

Basically, I love my job and I love my coworkers, but I would also love to continue to love them later on. And in order for that to happen, I have to get the hell out of here.

Friday cannot get here fast enough.

FULL TERM!!!! OMG.

How far along: 37 weeks. Which means I'm FULL TERM!!!! I never thought this day would come, but thank god it finally has. (Now watch...she will go two weeks overdue.)

How big is baby: The size of a watermelon. I didn't even need to check on those online charts to know this. It just looks like there is a watermelon crammed up my shirt.

Total weight gain: Funny story...I found out by accident. I meant to remain ignorant to my weight gain through my entire pregnancy and then just worry about fitting back into my pants later. But then I was doing my paperwork for short term disability and my doctor wrote my weight on there. And I saw it. Oops.

I have gained about 35 pounds, which I'm okay with. I thought I had gained more like 100.

Sleep: Totally overrated.

Maternity Clothes: The dress I have on in the picture below is actually a non-maternity dress. But most days, yes.

Food cravings: If anyone has suggestions of things that will make me go into labor, I'll be taking them at this point.

Food aversions: Nothing.

Challenges: Walking to the fax machine without taking a bathroom break.

Movement: I can tell she has run out of room.

Boy or Girl?: Another funny story...or really NOT so funny. I have heard of a lot of people lately finding out later in their pregnancies that the scans were wrong when they found out the sex. So basically I've been obsessively looking at B's potty shot from my anatomy scan to make sure that what I'm really seeing is girl bits. I think I am, but I guess I can't be 100% sure until the day she is born.

Obviously I will love her if she happened to be a boy, but it would certainly be a really unfortunate situation as far as clothing and room decorations are concerned.

What I’m looking forward to: EVICTION DAY.

What I miss: Being not-pregnant.

Next appt: Tomorrow. I will get my GBS results *fingers crossed* and maybe start talking to the doctor about what happens when (I'm being a pessimist) I go overdue.

The Full Term Belly:

MILESTONE! 35/35. Plus a Mommy Makeover.

How far along: 35/35! That's 35 weeks down and 35 days to go as of yesterday, so today I am one day closer. Thank god.

How big is baby: Giant. The Bump changed up their fruit system so I get a new one every week now and this week, B is a butternut squash. I wish she had the temperament of a butternut squash...instead I feel like I'm gestating an angry raccoon.

Total weight gain: I don't want to know.

Sleep: I didn't think it could possibly get any worse. And then it did.

Maternity Clothes: Yep.

Food cravings : Chocolate milk.

Food aversions: Nothing.

Challenges: Moving. Sitting. Smiling.

Movement: *cries*

Boy or Girl?: Hopefully still a girl.

What I’m looking forward to: Guess.

What I miss: Ugh.

Next appt: Next Wednesday. GBS test! Wheeee!

Obligatory belly pic complete with hip new mom hair!:

Now about my hair. M and I paid a visit to M's sister (my sister-in-law and Betty's aunt) J, who just so happens to also be my very awesome hair stylist. I have been feeling more than a little down on myself lately, what with all the largeness that is going on over here. I was hoping that maybe a little makeover would help with my self esteem.

So J cut some bangs again (she did them for me once before and I loved them) and trimmed a little off the bottom as well...this pregnancy has my hair growing like a weed. Then we started making plans for whatever fabulous dye-job we are going to try after B arrives. It really helped! While I still feel like a big pile of hot garbage for 90% of the day, I look at least a little more like a hot mom now. :)

She probably won't read this, but she really is a lifesaver. Betty is lucky to have such a cool aunt!

34w

How far along: 34w (+1 day). 41 days to go THANK GOD. I know I'm going to get bigger than this, and the idea of that scares the crap out of me.

How big is baby: According to the bump, Betty is a honeydew. According to my WTE app for iPhone, she is the size of a large cantaloupe. Somewhere between 19 and 22in and 5.5 pounds. That is one LARGE cantaloupe.

Total weight gain: No clue. I have a doctor's appointment in an hour and a half and I don't intend to have a clue after that either.

Sleep: What's that?

Maternity Clothes: Wearing them. I live in maternity leggings and yoga pants now. Work dress codes be damned.

Food cravings : None. Although strangely I really wanted blackberries for like 3 days and then was over them as quickly as it began.

Food aversions: Nothing out of the ordinary.

Challenges: Staying on the elliptical for more than 15 minutes without having to take a pee break. I think she's dropping and leaning more heavily on my bladder now.

Movement: All the time.

Boy or Girl?: Hopefully still a girl.

What I’m looking forward to: 6 more weeks!

What I miss: Being thin.

Next appt: In about an hour and a half.

Obligatory belly pic:

A Very Betty Celebration (complete with Ravens WIN!)

The grossest game I have ever witnessed in my life was at a baby shower. Personally, I opted out of playing because I HATE HATE HATE shower games with a passion, but the memory of watching my friend microwave miniature bars of chocolate in tiny diapers and then having people identify them is forever seared into my memory. The day I find random peanuts in my newborn's diaper is the day the pediatrician gets an alarmed phone call.

So when I found out that my sisters-in-law and my stepmom wanted to throw Betty a baby shower, I was SO excited, but also a little terrified. What if I had to play the candy bar crap game? Or any terrible game? Plus, though you might find this a little hard to believe, I'm not very good at being the center of attention and parties that are focused on me make me feel very nervous and awky. Throughout my pregnancy, people have been telling me to soak it up now because once baby gets here it will be all about her, but what they don't seem to understand is that I will be GLADLY handing over any and all attention to Betty. Even in school plays growing up, I always did better as an auxiliary character. I never wanted the lead.

Fortunately what I must have forgotten in my panic is that these people are my family and they know me. Hence, the theme for the party that day pretty much became laid-back awesomeness with close friends, eating delicious food, chatting, only playing ONE shower game (that somewhat humiliating one where people cut a ribbon to indicate how big they think my belly is, and then everyone with the exception of two people grossly overestimating and making me feel like even more of a house), and mostly doing one of my personal favorite things...gathering around the television to watch RAVENS FOOTBALL!

It just so happened that our playoff game vs the Texans fell on the exact same date and at the exact same time as my shower. At first I thought this might be a tragedy and that no one would want to come because of it, but almost everyone did come and the fact that the game was on kept some of the attention off of me. A HUGE win all around.

Not only did all those guests come, but they also completely spoiled my daughter, which I suppose is just a taste of things to come in her life. (Only child, plus the only girl in either of our families? We'll take care to make sure that she doesn't turn into a brat, but little B is going to be spoiled whether we like it or not.) For the most part, we have everything we need now and I'm pretty much completely overwhelmed by the generosity and have about a million thank you's to write this weekend.

And of course to top it all off, the Ravens won! Thanks for the gift, guys! Did I mention how much Betty would love it if you won the Superbowl this year?

I wish I had pictures to share. Actually I do have a few, but I look like a cow in every single one of them so I will leave you with a few pictures that don't involve me.

Such a gorgeous cake, right? I love the idea of putting alphabet letters on there. Of course, I think maybe ABC or even EAE (B's initials) would have been a little more appropriate than BAD, but I am not a cake artist, so what do I know.

Just some of her presents! I told you she got spoiled.

Food is always the best kind of party favor. How cute are these little personalized M&M's my stepmom ordered? My answer? Too cute to eat.

Photo credits go to my friend, Kate. My brother was also acting as photographer for the day, but I have yet to see any of the pics he took. I'm sure they are great too!

Tutu Success!

I don't know what I was so worried about...that was EASY!

I made my first (of many) tutus for B on Saturday night while M and I relaxed and watched the brutal destruction of the Denver Tebows by the Pats, and I'm so happy with how it came out that I told him I think she might need one in every color now. To which he responded, "How many tutus does a girl really need?"

And cue major side-eye from me. He's not female so I figure that he just can't fully understand.

Anyway, the tulle I used is mint green, white, and chocolate brown (craving mint chocolate chip ice cream, much?). I also had made her a flower headband the other week and I think it will go along with it adorably. Hopefully we can make this ensemble work for her newborn pics!

Birth announcements!

Sure it might be a little pre-mature, but I finished the design for B's birth announcements! The white circle on the right is obviously where her picture will go.

Betty's newborn pictures are being taken by a good friend of mine, Michelle of Clicks Photography. She's super talented and I'm so excited to see what she comes up with.

I'm currently waiting for my tulle order to arrive so that I can start on the tutu that she can wear for her big debut photo shoot. I think a mint green, brown, and white combo will look adorable with the purple on her announcement!

Fingers crossed that the tutu looks like a tutu when I'm finished with it...

Well that was rude.

As enormous as I'm becoming, I can't say that I have totally hated all the attention that the Betty belly gets. (Though it is a little annoying sometimes, such as when I've literally been made late for work because people want to talk to me about it.) Everyone has been super nice about it and up until yesterday, I had even avoided the dreaded "Is it twins?" type comment. Thanks so much, Lady at the Gym, for ruining my perfect streak.

I had seen her in the locker room several times before. It would be impossible for me to forget her because every time she's there, she is with her daughter who is maybe 9 years old and is THE WHINING-EST KID EVER. Seriously. This girl whines and complains and cries nonstop and the mother just smiles and smiles like the doesn't have a brain in her head, which I'm sure is just exacerbating the problem. Every time I see them, I think, "Please god don't let Betty be all obnoxious like that". And I like to think she won't be because I'm pretty intolerant of excessive whining.

Anyway, as soon as I walked into the locker room, I see Brainless Mom, who is standing there smiling at nothing in particular while she waits for Whiny Daughter to get out of the shower. Then she does a double-take and turns her smiling face on me and says,

"You must be about to pop any second!"

Which I'm not. I still have about 7 weeks until my due date, but thank you for making me feel like more of a planet than I already do. However, I managed to not flinch, and pleasantly replied,

"Um no...not quite. I still have about 7 weeks left."

To which she looked visibly shocked and said, "Oh! Is it one or two?"

Christ. Here we go.

Me: "Just the one."

I figured the conversation could go ahead and end there. Unfortunately, Brainless had other plans.

Her: "Oh my." *insert sympathetic face here* "Big baby?"

Okay seriously? As far as I was concerned, this conversation was over. I don't understand why some people think that pregnancy equals a free-for-all on inappropriate comments about the inflated state of a woman's body. What I should have done was made a sympathetic face at her ass and said "Oh my...too many Ho Hos?" But I'm not that much of a bitch, so instead I told her that no, she was measuring right on target and then turned my back on her hoping that she would get the hint.

Being that she is an idiot, she didn't get it. Instead she tried to backpedal by telling me that I was so thin everywhere else and was just all belly, but at that point I was done entertaining anything else she had to say. I have never been so happy to see that bratty daughter of hers when she came up right at that moment with the whining dialed up to maximum level and then continued to whine and complain loudly the entire time her mother brushed her hair for her.

I like to think my giant baby with her giant brain will be a child prodigy that will know how to brush her own hair by the time she's in 3rd grade.

32w

This is one of the reasons I wish I had started up this blog earlier: weekly check-ins. I guess it's better late than never though, right? Then one day B will be able to thoroughly enjoy reading about when I was at my largest and most uncomfortable.

How far along: 32w (+1 day). 55 days to go!

How big is baby: According to the Bump, who likes to compare baby size to various fruit and veggie items, Betty is the size of a squash this week. (And has been the size of a squash since week 29.) According to my What to Expect iPhone app, she is the size of a honeydew melon, or 19 inches in length and around 4-ish pounds. In other words...she's GIANT.

Total weight gain: I have no idea. At week 22, I had gained 15 pounds. I have refused to look at the scale ever since. The doctors haven't said anything about it to me, so I figure I'm doing okay.

Sleep: SUCKS. I wake up at least 6 times a night in pain and having to pee. I figure this is decent practice for the getting up at least 6 times a night with a baby.

Maternity Clothes: So far I have amassed: 2 pairs of maternity skinny jeans, 1 pair of leggings, 2 pairs of maternity yoga pants, 1 pair of maternity sweat pants, 1 maternity dress, 4 tops (not counting the bag of clothes on lend to me from a friend out of which I've worn one thing). I intend to make these things work for me until the end of my pregnancy. Luckily some of my tops and dresses still fit me and I can still wear my regular tights and stuff if I keep them rolled under my belly.

Food cravings : I don't know if it's really a craving because I liked it before, but I could drink chocolate milk all day.

Food aversions: Fruit, but that's not abnormal for me.

Challenges: Really nothing aside from discomfort while sleeping and occasional mild heartburn. I'm hoping that I can make it to the end without waddling or having too much trouble getting up off the couch. And I'm still stretch mark free. *knocks wood*

Movement: I swear she's doing The Hustle in there.

Boy or Girl?: Duh.

What I’m looking forward to: THE END.

What I miss: Hot yoga. Beer. Raw sushi. Sleeping on my stomach.

Next appt: January 24th. I'm every 2 weeks now. I just had an appointment this morning and the belly is measuring exactly on track and her heartbeat was music to my ears!

Obligatory belly pic:

We have nursery progress!

What started out as a catchall for random boxes and other things we were too lazy to find places for when we first moved in has morphed into my most favorite room in the house. Shortly after finding out that Betty was a she, I signed up for Pinterest and started pinning up nursery ideas. This is officially the ONLY thing I have ever done on Pinterest. I think I may be one of the only people on the planet that isn't wildly addicted to that site.

I have been picking up random pieces of furniture here and there for months in the hopes that they would look like they all belonged in the same room with each other when I was finished. Lucky for me...they do. Betty's room is turning out better than it looked in my imagination. Even the chocolate brown that I picked out for her walls turned out even more beautiful than I ever would have thought from looking at the paint swatch.

I just love when a plan comes together.

Currently we are still waiting on an adorable little white bookshelf with pink shelves that will match her rug and we still need to mount her name in pink and white letters on the wall over her crib, but furniture and decor-wise her room is nearly done! I think the result is something sweet and girly, but not too cartoony.

Those framed photos on the wall over the chair are pictures of my husband and I when we were little. I thought she might enjoy looking at them when she gets older!

(Please excuse the crappy lighting/quality...these photos were taken with my phone.)

Dear Betty...Welcome to your blog.

Dear Betty...

It wasn't too long after I saw those two magical little pink lines on the pregnancy test that your Daddy bought me this really wonderful book. It had lots of room for me to write in it every week and put in ultrasound pictures and pictures of my growing belly. I was going to fill it out religiously and then save it for you so that when you are older you could read all the thoughts that I was having in those 40 or so weeks that I was pregnant with you.

Today I am 31w4d along and guess how much of that book I have filled out?

Give up?

I think I made it about a quarter of the way through the first trimester. Then the nausea became so bad that I much rather would have been lying on the couch whining and feeling sorry for myself than talking about my cravings (orange juice and peanut butter English muffins...but I only really wanted those for a week) and what songs were popular at the time (probably some Katy Perry garbage...PLEASE don't let her be relevant anymore when you get old enough to start picking your own music).

Ever since first trimester, it's been pretty much smooth sailing though. Some days I forget that I'm pregnant until you start up on your current favorite hobby...rearranging my insides. (So creative already!) You are a VERY active baby and while most of the time I love it because it lets me know that you are okay in there, sometimes it is a little bit uncomfortable. Like when you get your feet caught up in my ribcage or an arm behind my hip bones. I know you can't help it though...I'm sure you are starting to run short on space in there.

I can't believe that you are going to be here in roughly 8 weeks. I'm so not prepared, and honestly, I don't think I'm ever going to be fully prepared. One thing is for sure though...we cannot wait to meet you and hold you and see what you look like. Based on how photogenic you have been at all your ultrasounds, I imagine that you are adorable and your brain has always been huge, so there is lots of room for smarts in there, too. And Daddy and I promise to be the best parents that we can be. That doesn't mean that we will be all the time and I'm sure we are going to screw up (a LOT), but I just want you to know that we are trying and that you are loved so much already by us and so many people.

See you soon!

Love, Mommy xoxo