Yes I'm still here. ::strangle::

*Warning...this post is complainey. Just figured I'd let people know first in case they didn't want to read a lot of pregnant bitching this morning.*

The hugeness. The swelling. The heartburn. The return of first trimester nausea. All of these things are my life right now and all of them are horrible beyond words. The sight of my ankles is enough to make me cry. (Well really only my right ankle...my left doesn't really swell at all. Weird.)

But there is one thing that is worse.

I'm 6 days from my due date and I'm still working. I don't think I'm kind of superhero for doing so...plenty of women work right up until they go into labor and I always figured that I would be one of them. It's been especially miserable for the past week or two though as Baby B has dropped really low into my pelvis making it virtually impossible to even make a trip to the fax machine without practically peeing my pants. And I've found that the only thing more miserable than feeling like I can't walk or being exhausted or in pain is having these things pointed out to me by other people.

Oh the comments.

I think I'm tired now? Well I better sleep while I still can because my baby will keep me up at night. Thanks for the suggestion, Captain Obvious, but last I checked, I'm not some kind of crazy sleep camel that can store extra sleep in my hump (bump?) for later use. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I will actually get MORE sleep when my child is here considering that I currently get up to use the bathroom at least 7 times a night which works out to being up and about at least once an hour. At least when I'm on maternity leave, I can take a nap during the day. Comfortably. While able to lie on my stomach and not feel like my legs are being ripped out of their sockets wishbone style. (Make a wish!! I'd like to go into labor RIGHT. NOW. PLEASE.)

And of course my personal favorite that I have been hearing every day when I walk into the office from no less than 3 people..."You're still here?" Nope. You're not really seeing me right now. I'm just a huge, bloated figment of your imagination. Maybe you should stop smoking so much crack before you come to work.

I am to the point where I can not only not take pregnancy anymore, but I can't take other people anymore. In fact, I could probably tolerate the pregnancy part better if other people would shut the eff up. It also seems like the worst offenders are women that already have children and I'm thinking...shouldn't they know better? At this point I have a mental list a mile long of things that I am going to be absolutely sure to NEVER EVER EVER say to a pregnant woman again.

So yesterday I made the executive decision that this coming Friday is going to be my last day of work before I go on maternity leave. Yes, I was going to work until my water broke, but I'm to the point where I'm so uncomfortable and so anxious that being here is bad for my well being as well as the well being of anyone who gets within a 10 foot radius of me. I started to realize that if I don't give people an end date, they will continue to unthinkingly pile ridiculous projects on my desk that I will kill myself trying to get finished in a day because this baby could come any second.

But let's not kid ourselves. Because it's just my luck that she will go a week overdue at which point I'll have to be induced. Oh yeah...I also used to say that I was against being induced if I went over and would rather the baby come when she's ready, but that all flew out the window around week 36.

Basically, I love my job and I love my coworkers, but I would also love to continue to love them later on. And in order for that to happen, I have to get the hell out of here.

Friday cannot get here fast enough.

34w

How far along: 34w (+1 day). 41 days to go THANK GOD. I know I'm going to get bigger than this, and the idea of that scares the crap out of me.

How big is baby: According to the bump, Betty is a honeydew. According to my WTE app for iPhone, she is the size of a large cantaloupe. Somewhere between 19 and 22in and 5.5 pounds. That is one LARGE cantaloupe.

Total weight gain: No clue. I have a doctor's appointment in an hour and a half and I don't intend to have a clue after that either.

Sleep: What's that?

Maternity Clothes: Wearing them. I live in maternity leggings and yoga pants now. Work dress codes be damned.

Food cravings : None. Although strangely I really wanted blackberries for like 3 days and then was over them as quickly as it began.

Food aversions: Nothing out of the ordinary.

Challenges: Staying on the elliptical for more than 15 minutes without having to take a pee break. I think she's dropping and leaning more heavily on my bladder now.

Movement: All the time.

Boy or Girl?: Hopefully still a girl.

What I’m looking forward to: 6 more weeks!

What I miss: Being thin.

Next appt: In about an hour and a half.

Obligatory belly pic:

Well that was rude.

As enormous as I'm becoming, I can't say that I have totally hated all the attention that the Betty belly gets. (Though it is a little annoying sometimes, such as when I've literally been made late for work because people want to talk to me about it.) Everyone has been super nice about it and up until yesterday, I had even avoided the dreaded "Is it twins?" type comment. Thanks so much, Lady at the Gym, for ruining my perfect streak.

I had seen her in the locker room several times before. It would be impossible for me to forget her because every time she's there, she is with her daughter who is maybe 9 years old and is THE WHINING-EST KID EVER. Seriously. This girl whines and complains and cries nonstop and the mother just smiles and smiles like the doesn't have a brain in her head, which I'm sure is just exacerbating the problem. Every time I see them, I think, "Please god don't let Betty be all obnoxious like that". And I like to think she won't be because I'm pretty intolerant of excessive whining.

Anyway, as soon as I walked into the locker room, I see Brainless Mom, who is standing there smiling at nothing in particular while she waits for Whiny Daughter to get out of the shower. Then she does a double-take and turns her smiling face on me and says,

"You must be about to pop any second!"

Which I'm not. I still have about 7 weeks until my due date, but thank you for making me feel like more of a planet than I already do. However, I managed to not flinch, and pleasantly replied,

"Um no...not quite. I still have about 7 weeks left."

To which she looked visibly shocked and said, "Oh! Is it one or two?"

Christ. Here we go.

Me: "Just the one."

I figured the conversation could go ahead and end there. Unfortunately, Brainless had other plans.

Her: "Oh my." *insert sympathetic face here* "Big baby?"

Okay seriously? As far as I was concerned, this conversation was over. I don't understand why some people think that pregnancy equals a free-for-all on inappropriate comments about the inflated state of a woman's body. What I should have done was made a sympathetic face at her ass and said "Oh my...too many Ho Hos?" But I'm not that much of a bitch, so instead I told her that no, she was measuring right on target and then turned my back on her hoping that she would get the hint.

Being that she is an idiot, she didn't get it. Instead she tried to backpedal by telling me that I was so thin everywhere else and was just all belly, but at that point I was done entertaining anything else she had to say. I have never been so happy to see that bratty daughter of hers when she came up right at that moment with the whining dialed up to maximum level and then continued to whine and complain loudly the entire time her mother brushed her hair for her.

I like to think my giant baby with her giant brain will be a child prodigy that will know how to brush her own hair by the time she's in 3rd grade.

32w

This is one of the reasons I wish I had started up this blog earlier: weekly check-ins. I guess it's better late than never though, right? Then one day B will be able to thoroughly enjoy reading about when I was at my largest and most uncomfortable.

How far along: 32w (+1 day). 55 days to go!

How big is baby: According to the Bump, who likes to compare baby size to various fruit and veggie items, Betty is the size of a squash this week. (And has been the size of a squash since week 29.) According to my What to Expect iPhone app, she is the size of a honeydew melon, or 19 inches in length and around 4-ish pounds. In other words...she's GIANT.

Total weight gain: I have no idea. At week 22, I had gained 15 pounds. I have refused to look at the scale ever since. The doctors haven't said anything about it to me, so I figure I'm doing okay.

Sleep: SUCKS. I wake up at least 6 times a night in pain and having to pee. I figure this is decent practice for the getting up at least 6 times a night with a baby.

Maternity Clothes: So far I have amassed: 2 pairs of maternity skinny jeans, 1 pair of leggings, 2 pairs of maternity yoga pants, 1 pair of maternity sweat pants, 1 maternity dress, 4 tops (not counting the bag of clothes on lend to me from a friend out of which I've worn one thing). I intend to make these things work for me until the end of my pregnancy. Luckily some of my tops and dresses still fit me and I can still wear my regular tights and stuff if I keep them rolled under my belly.

Food cravings : I don't know if it's really a craving because I liked it before, but I could drink chocolate milk all day.

Food aversions: Fruit, but that's not abnormal for me.

Challenges: Really nothing aside from discomfort while sleeping and occasional mild heartburn. I'm hoping that I can make it to the end without waddling or having too much trouble getting up off the couch. And I'm still stretch mark free. *knocks wood*

Movement: I swear she's doing The Hustle in there.

Boy or Girl?: Duh.

What I’m looking forward to: THE END.

What I miss: Hot yoga. Beer. Raw sushi. Sleeping on my stomach.

Next appt: January 24th. I'm every 2 weeks now. I just had an appointment this morning and the belly is measuring exactly on track and her heartbeat was music to my ears!

Obligatory belly pic:

Dear Betty...Welcome to your blog.

Dear Betty...

It wasn't too long after I saw those two magical little pink lines on the pregnancy test that your Daddy bought me this really wonderful book. It had lots of room for me to write in it every week and put in ultrasound pictures and pictures of my growing belly. I was going to fill it out religiously and then save it for you so that when you are older you could read all the thoughts that I was having in those 40 or so weeks that I was pregnant with you.

Today I am 31w4d along and guess how much of that book I have filled out?

Give up?

I think I made it about a quarter of the way through the first trimester. Then the nausea became so bad that I much rather would have been lying on the couch whining and feeling sorry for myself than talking about my cravings (orange juice and peanut butter English muffins...but I only really wanted those for a week) and what songs were popular at the time (probably some Katy Perry garbage...PLEASE don't let her be relevant anymore when you get old enough to start picking your own music).

Ever since first trimester, it's been pretty much smooth sailing though. Some days I forget that I'm pregnant until you start up on your current favorite hobby...rearranging my insides. (So creative already!) You are a VERY active baby and while most of the time I love it because it lets me know that you are okay in there, sometimes it is a little bit uncomfortable. Like when you get your feet caught up in my ribcage or an arm behind my hip bones. I know you can't help it though...I'm sure you are starting to run short on space in there.

I can't believe that you are going to be here in roughly 8 weeks. I'm so not prepared, and honestly, I don't think I'm ever going to be fully prepared. One thing is for sure though...we cannot wait to meet you and hold you and see what you look like. Based on how photogenic you have been at all your ultrasounds, I imagine that you are adorable and your brain has always been huge, so there is lots of room for smarts in there, too. And Daddy and I promise to be the best parents that we can be. That doesn't mean that we will be all the time and I'm sure we are going to screw up (a LOT), but I just want you to know that we are trying and that you are loved so much already by us and so many people.

See you soon!

Love, Mommy xoxo